Roommate? More Like RoomHATE, amiright?

By PJ Scott-Blankenship on January 26, 2013

Aw, college is the best. Also the worst ever.

I actually don’t know who thought up this system. Hey, let’s make all the incoming freshman  and in my case sophomores  live in tiny shoe boxes with strangers. Well, it takes a village I suppose.  A village of disgusting boys and drunk girls. My freshman roommate and I had absolutely nothing in common. I’m not a fan of alcohol, and he got drunk almost every school night. To each their own, but I can’t say that I’m the biggest champion of underage drinking, and as a freshman I really enjoyed getting sleep before going off to class. Maybe that’s just me? He wasn’t mean, or anything, and I don’t want you thinking I suffered a great deal my freshman year, but sometimes even when he did catch some sleep he would shout out things like “You there, under the table!! Shut up!” Which is really unsettling at four in the morning.  Of course, some of our conversations had charm.

  • ROOMIE: I have a test tomorrow in a class I’ve never had before…
  • ME: If this was Hogwarts, that’d be Professor Snape and he’d deduct points from…I’m going to guess you’re a-
  • ROOMIE: Gryffindor-
  • ME: Hufflepuff.
  • ROOMIE: LISTEN HERE, I’d be in Gryffindor! I’ve got all the qualities of a Gryffindor! I’m brave…and brave…I’m like the Ron Weasley to Harry Potter.
  • ME: Then, who’s Harry Potter?
  • ROOMIE: …EFF RON, I’m HARRY POTTER!

And later that night:

  • CELLPHONE: *vibrates*
  • ROOMIE: *wakes up* AEKJTQAMEGQE!!!
  • ME: …
  • ROOMIE: PANDA!
  • ME: …
  • ROOMIE: PANDA BEARS…IN DESPAIR.
  • ME: …
  • ROOMIE: *goes back to sleep*

Now, when I became a sophomore and moved to a new dorm I got another random roommate. This guy was much older than myself, and refused to speak. I am not exaggerating here,I can count the amount of times Roomie Part Deux spoke to me on one hand with fingers to spare. He would not do anything. I asked him to come to hall meetings and fill out our roommate agreement. Nothing. I asked him to help un-loft our bed, not only did he not – he kept his stuff where it was so I was forced to sleep against the wall and leave my desk in the middle of the room. He also slept with the lights on.  After we parted ways I found out that he was actually afraid of the dark. I’ll file that under “STUFF YOU SHOULD HAVE SHARED.”

It’s a bit too soon to talk about more recent roommate experiences, though remind me to tell you towards the end of the semester and I’ll tell you about the time my former roommate got mad at me for locking my door, while the other casually said “I should probably get rid of the acid before our landlord stops by.”

Yeah. Was this roommate joking? No idea. Probably…

Probably.

 

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